I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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