You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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