I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
