the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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