filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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