sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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