Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
