This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
