I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize