Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
