well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
