Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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