The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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