We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
