I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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