Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
