Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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