he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
