Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
