so that wasnt chicken after all
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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