the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
