What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
