i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
