shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize