My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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