Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
