you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You can't special order awesome
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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