Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
