You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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