I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Randomize
