It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
