Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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