I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
