put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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