Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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