I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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