You really coming over, don't trick.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
