so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize