You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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