his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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