Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
