On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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