yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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