PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
