hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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