____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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