Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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