The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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