you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
