My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
