barbara walters just said penis...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
