Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
