she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
