Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
