You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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