Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
