I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
