Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
