College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
