Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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