One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
