Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
