she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
