Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
