Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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