when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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