Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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