its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
