After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
