She went from zero to smokin in five shots
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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