garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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