Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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