I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
