I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
