I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
