I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
